First post of the new year. It seems that a lot has happened over the past few months. Perhaps I am just seeking for what I don't have or cannot find.
This year, I have enrolled for religious studies. Its a five year program as its only on Sundays. This is what I have done to seek for the answers I need in life.
Last year, I played for TJCSB Fiesta.
I hung around them for awhile even visiting their open house last Saturday. I noticed a lot of differences between them and MJCSB. Why is it that TJ is much better than MJ? The people I met at TJ actually seems to have direction. A sense of purpose and fun. And a desire to achieve together. They have according to their own requirements achieved a balance between their studies and CCAs. MJ on the other hand, they just seem to be concerned about their studies because of the pressure and standards set by the school. Band there just seems like an ECA. I will say this. MJCSB will not improve from being the sub-standard band they are. If they take 3 months to get two pieces to a GOLD SYF award level, then how long would it take to get an entire repertoire to the standard of a gold band?
I will admit this too. Apparently I seem to be more attached to TJ band than MJ band. Ahahahahaha!
Despicable aren't I? I've been with MJ for an entire year, I only spent a month with TJ. Yet the short experience I had with TJ was much better than the one I had with MJ.
Oh, why don't I just change this post title to confessions?
Because I will confess that I have no attachment whatsoever to Meridian JC. So why did I go back to the band bbq and section outing? Cause I was bored. I wanted something to do. People to hang out with once in a while. Cause honestly I have been spending my time at home on the computer for a hell lot of time. Since when have I played dota so much at home? I played so much that I was actually getting back in touch with dota.
I also confess that I am able to have feelings towards someone again. The pain has returned. So that means that my emotions have returned too. I lost them somewhere in the mid year and they came back during the period I was playing for fiesta. Its won't be easy dealing with this pain in my body but it just shows how little I cared about my life in MJ.
I confess that I want to forget all about MJC. But I can't do it. I don't know if I will be able to do it but right now I can't. I left my memories with someone who is currently schooling in MJ. So I can't forget about it yet. Right now, she knows more about my past than I have ever told anyone. From my experiences in pri3, to what I have done in secondary school. Well, I didn't go in depth to what I did in VS but it doesn't matter. Anyway, about this refer to the previous post - 30 C ... That was the post I typed after I told this particular person about me.
What is there that I can do right now? What will change in me? What will change around me? This is the question that I want to ask. To find answers I need knowledge. So the best thing to do right now is to study, learn and experience.
Now, I have a desire. A desire that I haven't had before. A desire to change. I've done nothing but accept what is inevitable. But right now, I believe that everything is inevitable. But what is inevitable also can be changed by changing the perspective. To make use of what will happen, to make use of what has happened. I will use it all to change what is inevitable.
Because I finally have motivation. Something I never thought possible.
For myself.
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