I just watched Kannazuki no Miko episodes 1-10. Two more episodes to go. A part of it was tear inspiring. It showed a pain that I was able to relate to. A fear which I hold in my heart. Something I wish to be able to prevent happening ever again. The pain that induces suffering.
If love is infinite,
When you break someone's heart,
You're causing him/her endless pain,
And limitless suffering.
_________________________________________________
Well, that is how I said it.
Wounds unable to heal regardless of time.
Pain unable to disappear regardless of medication.
Scars that are invisible yet portrayed distinctly.
Tears flow endlessly,
Tears shed never to return.
Cries that go on forever,
Cries that cannot be heard.
Confusion.
Hesitation.
Fear.
Confused by actions.
Hesitate from asking.
Fear of losing what little there is left.
Braving through the storm,
Walking on and on.
In spite of rain or snow,
The flicker of hope remains to glow.
However, you cannot avoid the inevitable.
Regardless of how many detours you take,
You will still end on the same path.
That little flicker,
That little flame,
Has no chance,
None at all.
It will die.
Glow no more.
Disappear forever,
Leaving nothing but hollow darkness.
Unable to be filled.
A void in the heart.
That is unable to close.
Thus, a pain unhealing. A painful truth unravelling. Hurt emotions unsealing.
22 January 2009
20 January 2009
14th Findings
First of all, this post was brought over from another site of my own that I doubt any of you would have read.
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Picking up items off the floor,
I saw something of great significance.
A piece of paper,
With a vaguely recognizable handwriting.
And I realize,
It's mine...
On it were words,
Of wisdom or of destruction.
It reminded me,
Of what is it I am doing.
Of what is it that I have done.
My views, my perceptions.
My thoughts, my critics.
Looking at it,
It isn't unkind.
It's true.
But not really.
There are exceptions to it.
Minimal though they are,
Isn't it a sin to exclude them?
To ignore them?
Then I move on,
And found a few pieces of plastic.
Acrylic, I thought.
And then realise,
That the words written on it.
Are again written by me.
Here is what it says:
Everyone has their own selfish desire...
What's important is what your desire is for...
Happiness is a fleeting emotion...
Evil does not always bring harm to others...
World domination is not a crime...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are they all true?
Or are they just a form reasoning for these sins?
I guess everyone's perception and views on things are different. Mine isn't necessarily right.
But I am always right. For I am never wrong.
If I don't believe in those words myself, then who will believe in me?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Picking up items off the floor,
I saw something of great significance.
A piece of paper,
With a vaguely recognizable handwriting.
And I realize,
It's mine...
On it were words,
Of wisdom or of destruction.
It reminded me,
Of what is it I am doing.
Of what is it that I have done.
My views, my perceptions.
My thoughts, my critics.
Looking at it,
It isn't unkind.
It's true.
But not really.
There are exceptions to it.
Minimal though they are,
Isn't it a sin to exclude them?
To ignore them?
Then I move on,
And found a few pieces of plastic.
Acrylic, I thought.
And then realise,
That the words written on it.
Are again written by me.
Here is what it says:
Everyone has their own selfish desire...
What's important is what your desire is for...
Happiness is a fleeting emotion...
Evil does not always bring harm to others...
World domination is not a crime...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are they all true?
Or are they just a form reasoning for these sins?
I guess everyone's perception and views on things are different. Mine isn't necessarily right.
But I am always right. For I am never wrong.
If I don't believe in those words myself, then who will believe in me?
15 January 2009
Realizations
"One step at a time? Don't be ridiculous. I refuse to be so laid back. There isn't time for me to look at everything so closely. I only stop for things that I absolutely have to. There are no other exceptions. Through leaps and bounds I shall cover a distance that is impossible through mere steps. I wish to venture past the limits and boundaries set by those who failed all around the world. I wish to surpass everything and set my own limits." Said the boy sitting on the edge of the cliff.
"Then how long are you going to sit there on your end and keep talking about it? The way I see it, you're the one who's hindering your own path." Said the girl, standing a safe distance from the cliff edge while looking at the boy.
"You are indeed right. That is the reason why I hate myself. I hate my own inability to accomplish something I want to. I hate this ineptitude to move forward, even if it is one step at a time. If I don't leap, I won't move. I hate myself for being this way." replied the boy
"So what will you do about it. This part of you that you hate so much?" girl asked.
"If there was something that worked, I would not be sitting here as you said. If I had done nothing, I couldn't hate my inability could I? Because it meant that it might not be my own inability but rather my refusal to do something."
"You tried and failed and thus chose to just hate yourself?"
"Yes."
"Is that why you refused my love? Because you hate yourself?"
"To understand love is to first be able to love yourself. To love yourself is to be able to stop hating yourself."
"Stop giving me your cryptic answers. Just tell me."
"No. I cannot love you not because I hate myself. But rather because I know not how to love. I know not what is love. I do not understand this concept called love. Because I have no love for my own self."
"I remember these words passed down to me -
A heart does not know how to hate unless you teach it to
A heart doesn't know how to love unless it is taught to it
If you don't know how to love, why not let me teach you."
"I'd rather try to not hurt you than try something that isn't definite."
"That is already the first step to love my dear friend..." The girl smiled
"Then how long are you going to sit there on your end and keep talking about it? The way I see it, you're the one who's hindering your own path." Said the girl, standing a safe distance from the cliff edge while looking at the boy.
"You are indeed right. That is the reason why I hate myself. I hate my own inability to accomplish something I want to. I hate this ineptitude to move forward, even if it is one step at a time. If I don't leap, I won't move. I hate myself for being this way." replied the boy
"So what will you do about it. This part of you that you hate so much?" girl asked.
"If there was something that worked, I would not be sitting here as you said. If I had done nothing, I couldn't hate my inability could I? Because it meant that it might not be my own inability but rather my refusal to do something."
"You tried and failed and thus chose to just hate yourself?"
"Yes."
"Is that why you refused my love? Because you hate yourself?"
"To understand love is to first be able to love yourself. To love yourself is to be able to stop hating yourself."
"Stop giving me your cryptic answers. Just tell me."
"No. I cannot love you not because I hate myself. But rather because I know not how to love. I know not what is love. I do not understand this concept called love. Because I have no love for my own self."
"I remember these words passed down to me -
A heart does not know how to hate unless you teach it to
A heart doesn't know how to love unless it is taught to it
If you don't know how to love, why not let me teach you."
"I'd rather try to not hurt you than try something that isn't definite."
"That is already the first step to love my dear friend..." The girl smiled
12 January 2009
Wait
He trembled in anticipation, seated on the sole couch in the small room he was in. The bare lightbulb above him flickered and died. He got up agitatedly and pulled the curtains apart allowing light from the streetlamps light up his room. He made as if to sit down again but instead he started pacing. Glancing at the clock, he kicked his stack of books in frustration. Time seemed to be passing extremely slowly to his eyes. He was restless. The minute hand seemed to him to be moving at the pace of the hour hand. A dull throbbing pain in his foot made him regret kicking his books. Staring at the mess on the floor, he pondered whether to pick them up or just let them be. It would be hours still till he would get what he was waiting for. A small slip of paper. A piece of paper that would determine his future. The clock indicated that it had just turned four in the morning. He had not slept yet waiting for that one slip of paper.
He walked up to the table. It was finally time. His eyes were bloodshot and his muscles were aching but he ignored them. This piece of information mattered to him more than life. Or rather, it was his life. He took hold of the slip that was passed to him and started to read the words on it. Before he could read a single word however, he collapsed onto the hard wooden floor. Exhaustion had got the better of him. People started moving towards him but he held up the slip with a shaking hand and read through it quickly. He let his hand fall no longer able to escape the necessity of sleep. The wait had been long...
He walked up to the table. It was finally time. His eyes were bloodshot and his muscles were aching but he ignored them. This piece of information mattered to him more than life. Or rather, it was his life. He took hold of the slip that was passed to him and started to read the words on it. Before he could read a single word however, he collapsed onto the hard wooden floor. Exhaustion had got the better of him. People started moving towards him but he held up the slip with a shaking hand and read through it quickly. He let his hand fall no longer able to escape the necessity of sleep. The wait had been long...
13 November 2008
Pride
Pride.
Pride is something that despises arrogance.
Arrogance is not pride.
Arrogance is a disgrace.
Arrogance is something that blinds someone.
A warrior is defeated but stays on the battlefield.
That is arrogance.
A defeated warrior who returns to the battlefield.
That is pride.
One who is prideful will not disgrace himself.
He will not allow a person to see him defeated.
One who is arrogant will fight.
He will fight repeatedly till he dies.
That arrogance is hateful.
It hurts everyone related to that person.
One who has pride.
Knows when he has lost.
Knows when he is wrong.
However insists that he is right.
Arrogance is different.
It is the inability to accept that he was wrong.
It is the ignorance of what is right.
So, which are you?
Are you arrogant?
Are you prideful?
Or are you none?
Or are you both?
I am pride.
The one who understands the pride of a human.
The one who knows of the pride of a god.
The one who has the pride of a demon.
A demon worthy of the name given to it.
Diabolus.
The devil. Pride is a thing which lives in every creature. The pride a demon however, is different.
Creatures will remember to defend their pride.
The demon lives as his pride. if he is wrong, he will make the wrong become a right. Thus this pride is the very likeness of the pride of god? Wrong. It is much weaker. It pales in comparison to the pride of the creator. A demon only has the abilities to change the perception of people. A god however, has the abilities to create a whole new perception and label it as 'right'. That is why god is superior to the demon.
That hateful arrogance,
that unseemly pride.
A choice to dance an unsightly dance,
or sit and watch from the side.
Make your choice. One is arrogance, one is pride. Be wise.
If you choose to dance, you are arrogant. If you sit and watch, you are prideful.
Pride is something that despises arrogance.
Arrogance is not pride.
Arrogance is a disgrace.
Arrogance is something that blinds someone.
A warrior is defeated but stays on the battlefield.
That is arrogance.
A defeated warrior who returns to the battlefield.
That is pride.
One who is prideful will not disgrace himself.
He will not allow a person to see him defeated.
One who is arrogant will fight.
He will fight repeatedly till he dies.
That arrogance is hateful.
It hurts everyone related to that person.
One who has pride.
Knows when he has lost.
Knows when he is wrong.
However insists that he is right.
Arrogance is different.
It is the inability to accept that he was wrong.
It is the ignorance of what is right.
So, which are you?
Are you arrogant?
Are you prideful?
Or are you none?
Or are you both?
I am pride.
The one who understands the pride of a human.
The one who knows of the pride of a god.
The one who has the pride of a demon.
A demon worthy of the name given to it.
Diabolus.
The devil. Pride is a thing which lives in every creature. The pride a demon however, is different.
Creatures will remember to defend their pride.
The demon lives as his pride. if he is wrong, he will make the wrong become a right. Thus this pride is the very likeness of the pride of god? Wrong. It is much weaker. It pales in comparison to the pride of the creator. A demon only has the abilities to change the perception of people. A god however, has the abilities to create a whole new perception and label it as 'right'. That is why god is superior to the demon.
That hateful arrogance,
that unseemly pride.
A choice to dance an unsightly dance,
or sit and watch from the side.
Make your choice. One is arrogance, one is pride. Be wise.
If you choose to dance, you are arrogant. If you sit and watch, you are prideful.
10 November 2008
Flee
Hope beyond hope,
Dreams beyond dreams.
Death after life,
Guilt after deed.
Regrets are aplenty,
Sadness is an inevitability.
Even if it were possible to cry,
It would be nothing but a lie.
If it is a burden to you, leave it behind. Don't cause yourself pain and suffering for no reason. Sometimes, its okay to run away. But you know what you have to face eventually.
Dreams beyond dreams.
Death after life,
Guilt after deed.
Regrets are aplenty,
Sadness is an inevitability.
Even if it were possible to cry,
It would be nothing but a lie.
If it is a burden to you, leave it behind. Don't cause yourself pain and suffering for no reason. Sometimes, its okay to run away. But you know what you have to face eventually.
11 August 2008
Repentance
What is it that you all seek? What is the question that you all ask? What is the answer you all want to hear? What is it that you all are doing here? What is it that you have to do? What is it that you all want to do? What is it that you all hold dear? Why is it that I must be the one? Why is it that I am not the one? Why is it him? Why is it her? Why should I do this? Why can't I have this? Why can't I do that?
You all frequently ask the questions you know the answers to. Yet do you realy have the courage to answer it? To seek the answer within yourselves? To realize the meaning behind your every intention? To grasp the situation of your lives? To even question your own moral integrity and beliefs to realize that you all have the answers to what you seek just that you do not dare to answer them. You fear. That's right. You FEAR. To not be able to answer these questions because you fear that the answer might destroy your beliefs, destroy your trust. Break the bonds you have with each other. It is after all easier to admit that you are wrong than to admit that others are right. What can you do to escape this denial that you have? This everlasting fear in your hearts and minds.
Your worst enemy isn't the person you hate the most. It is your own heart and mind. Going against your own heart and mind would be going against your own beliefs and your own conscience. It is to break the sane reasoning you have lived your entire life with. I am always right for I am never wrong. You reason with your mind with this kind of saying. To go against your own will, to break this safety barrier in your mind. That is what is called having the courage to admit that others are right. To break this safety of reasoning is what is called repentance. To be able to admit that you were wrong, and to be able to change your ways because of your own realization that you were wrong. That is called repentance.
The fear you hold in your heart are equivalent to the amount of love you hold in your mind. The amount of love in your heart is equivalent to the amount of fear you have in your mind. Those who do not love have no fear. But there is no such man without love in this world. That much has been proven. For a man without love, will find no reason to stay alive in the harsh reality of this cruel world.
You all frequently ask the questions you know the answers to. Yet do you realy have the courage to answer it? To seek the answer within yourselves? To realize the meaning behind your every intention? To grasp the situation of your lives? To even question your own moral integrity and beliefs to realize that you all have the answers to what you seek just that you do not dare to answer them. You fear. That's right. You FEAR. To not be able to answer these questions because you fear that the answer might destroy your beliefs, destroy your trust. Break the bonds you have with each other. It is after all easier to admit that you are wrong than to admit that others are right. What can you do to escape this denial that you have? This everlasting fear in your hearts and minds.
Your worst enemy isn't the person you hate the most. It is your own heart and mind. Going against your own heart and mind would be going against your own beliefs and your own conscience. It is to break the sane reasoning you have lived your entire life with. I am always right for I am never wrong. You reason with your mind with this kind of saying. To go against your own will, to break this safety barrier in your mind. That is what is called having the courage to admit that others are right. To break this safety of reasoning is what is called repentance. To be able to admit that you were wrong, and to be able to change your ways because of your own realization that you were wrong. That is called repentance.
The fear you hold in your heart are equivalent to the amount of love you hold in your mind. The amount of love in your heart is equivalent to the amount of fear you have in your mind. Those who do not love have no fear. But there is no such man without love in this world. That much has been proven. For a man without love, will find no reason to stay alive in the harsh reality of this cruel world.
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