48 Free

Free.
What is it to be free?

I am born bound to this world.
Body mind and soul.
Limited by laws.
Restricted by rules.

What is it to be free?

I cannot fly.
Unable to breathe without air.
No matter how hard i try.
I can only fall into despair.

What is it to be free?

There are those who struggle.
Those that live in their own bubble.
There are those that are blessed.
Those that seek another's carress.

No matter who they are.
No matter where they are.
Are they not bound by the shackles they are borne in?
Are they not restricted by the rules and laws that bind them?

What is it to be free?

Is it freedom that we truly seek?

Is it freedom that will grant us happiness?

A turbulent wind

At times is a gentle breeze

With the same caress

 

It travels the world

Reaching places high and low

With the same caress

 

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When alone silent

With others a harmony

An impromptu tune

 

 Dancing in the air

Conducting a melody

As it sways about

47 Excuses

The sun shines through the forest canopy reaching the forest floor.
Rain flows through the rivers of leaves and branches into the soil.
Once again I stand in front of an imaginary door.
One which to open requires something more than mere toil.

The birds chirp calling their lovers,
The leaves rustle creating a song.
I stretch my hand intending to create wonders,
Knowing that I have waited for too long.

The trunks stand firm supported by buttress,
Crawling in deep and grabbing the ground with its roots.
But I have started fire without flints or matches,
Have walked forward without miracles or flukes.

The trees grow upwards spurred by its will to live,
The trees shed its leaves to be replaced by a fresher green.
Yet I hesitated to part and to give,
Yet I hesitated to appear and be seen.

A foreign scream permeated nature song,
An invasion chases away all.
Something unknown came along,
And broke down the protective wall.

With a creak and roar even the strong shall fall,
As these invaders take all they want.
As I suffered, a miracle I start to call,
For I have a wish I want it grant.

Would this pain not stop,
Would these tears continue to flow?
Off the cliff would it drop,
Or would it continue to grow?

Oh why,
Do you like to see me cry?
Oh why,
Do I continue to lie?

Now in front of this door a whole new world awaits.
Of pain or happiness I would not know which.
To enter requires a password.
Of true and honest words.
Would the door lead me to a world of joy>
Or would it lead me to more suffering?
But I know that as long as I don't open it,
I will continue to feel this anguish.
I know that as long as I don't walk through it,
I will not gain anything.

A gamble between great extremes.
If this was a story it's one of the greatest themes.

With the flow of time,
And the blowing wind,
The bells start to chime,
Its melody dim.

A pulse that accel.
A need to excel.
An increasing tempo.
A newly broken flow.

A stop that stopped.
A new anew.

The silence has been broken,
Yet there is nothing to listen.
Other than one's own melody,
An entire medley.

Hidden from the light, the path that is to walk.
Hidden in the dark, the path which need be followed.
Yet do we walk in the light, while looking in the dark?
Or do we walk in the dark, knowing that the path is somewhere?


What fools humans are
Pathetic, self serving, blind
Do not pity them

46 Contradictory

If upholding the law were to be strong,
Then to be opressed by it would be weak.

If casuality cannot be accepted,
Then normality is overrated.

The world is unable to be what it should be.
But all it needs be is exist.

Why do humans fight when they can love?
Because they were told to fight to love.

All these contradictions in life is a poetry,
Crafted in order to prove that life is not in equity.

The tale of who had lost two years...

I have experienced pain. Emotional, physical and spiritual. Sometimes I wonder, if I have been abandoned somewhere along the lines of fate. Other times I wonder if it was I who had abandoned all to fate. God is omnipotent and omniscient. And it is said that ones life has all been recorded by God, how it came about, and how it would be played out. So I thought, what if my current situation had also been thought of, and is nothing more than the mere fancy of God who had written my life to be so.
If I were like everybody else, I would be afraid, angry perhaps. And I might even fall into despair.
But I abolished that thought of falling into despair. Because that which knows my fate is not me but God and those that He has chosen to tell. I myself know not of what I would do or of what I would become. So I am not bound by that chain of fate that would tie me down to be what God wants me to be. Even if everything is but part of His great scenario, I would struggle and struggle. I should not be whimpering in the corner but I should be up fighting. Not against fate, not against the will of God. But I should be fighting as a living creature, fighting for what it is I choose to want to become. If I don't do anything, nothing will change. I thought I was enough and that it was enough but I was wrong. Nothing is ever enough. That is why people change and learn new things everyday. That is why creatures evolve. Because they are never enough as they were.

Here I am, fallen from that throne I had built for myself.
Here I am, having been betrayed by my own expectations.
Here I am, at the lowest rung of the ladder of failure.
Here I am, where I had wanted to be a long time ago.
But it is not where I am that matters anymore.
It is where I want to go.
I want to go up, beyond my throne.
I want to go up, without any limitations.
I want to go up, free from expectations.
I want to go up, beyond any measure.
I want to go up, to where I need to be.
I want to go up, to uphold my only responsibility.

And that which will take me there is my pride.
My pride as a living creature on this Earth.
And I would no longer be dependant on anything I cannot control.
Assumptions that has no backing will be dismissed.
Immaterial things that have no meaning will be left alone.

I was there once, on the path to success. But I was alone then. I was afraid, I felt insecure and wanted the support of others. But gaining others made me fall. I failed again and again. My judgment erred again and again. No more I said. Even if I were to be alone, I would succeed. Even if I have to succeed alone, I will make sure I do. Because in the end, I am alone. WIth my past experience, with my new found determination. With my strengthened will and pride, I shall go forth. Back into the venture I had wandered away from.

45 Remembrance

The clouds have already gathered, yet they will never be remembered.

For as the rain drops fall, people only think about the squall.

Lightning flashes illuminating the land, for an instant showing a sinning hand.

Thunder booms across the sky, drowning out yet another desperate cry.

As the sun shines through the clouds, it marks the return of the crowds.

As the water drains into the sea, there was no longer a plea.

Though the sun may be bright,

Though the roads may have dried.

There will be those that remember the plight,

There are traces of blood that have dried.

Scars can be hidden, pain cannot be seen.

Memories can be forgotten, thrown away memories of sin.

Forgetting is not forgiving.

Forgiving is not forgetting.

This matter between humans will be interfered,

As exist records and those that remembered.

There will always be a remembrance,

of all deeds and sins.

And none can escape,

for none has the strength.

44 Reminder

Pitiful, foolish, prideless.
They never fail to forget.
There is no one who remembers to remind them.
For they tread the path of ignorance, not intelligence.

43 Troubled

Lost in the twilight,

Hidden from the moonlight.

There is something I seek,

But the prospects look bleak.

A place where I would not seek,

A name that I would not speak

Just like the oceans rumble,

My hands can't help but to tremble.

The sun, its rays light up the sky.

Birds, with their wings up high they fly.

My path is not unhindered,

I am not calm nor collected

Time marked its own beginning,

Time marks its own ending.

I made and crafted an end

Whose begin never began.

I may have searched for it.

i may have yearned for it.

I may or may not have deserved it,

Common sense deprived me of all of it.

42 Possibilities

Thoughtless, inconsiderate, irate, irritating, naive, and plenty other words that can describe that person. Yet to say nothing is the correct answer. To not do anything is the correct answer. To not show anything is the correct answer...

Being in service is tough. Never let anyone else tell you otherwise.

There are many people out there who see,

There are fewer out there who know.

With rising tempers their rational minds flee.

Without doubt they think they know.

Anger is a natural feeling.

It sometimes lead to grieving.

Yet there are those who don't hold it in.

At those times they can only sin,

So a message I must convey.

Its something you've heard in the past someday.

Patience is a virtue.

More so if you're service crew.

Watch out for your feelings, watch out for your emotions.

Don't throw them unto others just because you don't know them.

Don't let it run wild just because you know you're free from fault.

I have a kind heart but a black soul.

I may be nice but I'm forever cold.

You can never know my thoughts or my feelings.

You can't read my minds, can't hear the cursings.

As long as you're alive you have the possibility.

To change your heart and rid yourself of that disability.

The possibility that comes with being alive.

Can be used with the proper determination and drive.

But it seems that most are not aware of it. And some others incapable of seeing it. Then perhaps, that possibility should just be taken away from them. Those who deny those possibilities. Those that refute them.

41 Knowledgable

Some talk as if they understand,

Some talk as if they know.

But those that can really comprehend,

Their knowledge they never show.

Looks like once again I was right

I would never take part in the fight

Looks like I won the gamble,

So there isn't anything to grumble.

Yet why do I feel such emotions

Why am I such a flawed creation

Even though I know my strengths,

I refuse to acknowledge them.

Even though I know my weaknesses,

I persist using them.

I hate to lose,

But I don't really care for winning.

In the end I'm just indecisive.

I'm accustomed to that feeling.

I thought I found a reason,

I thought I had a motivation.

In the end I couldn't hold on to it.

I just backed into my retreat.

I need a new purpose, a new objective.

A new close, a reason to live.

Like a bird in the sky flying free,

I need a need to be happy.

There isn't anything else left for me.

Except for that mundane routine.

Doing nothing for the world I see.

Watching others commit nothing but sin.

I guess I'm tired,

Or just grown old.

See how easily I am satisfied,

Yet I want to try to be bold.

Perhaps it is the curse of my name.

To be satisfied, content.

To me everything has become the same.

Nothing much to lament.

Sadness

Temporal.
Why is everything so?
Why is everything temporary?
Why is there not something which can be permanent?
I did say those words.
Uttered that prayer.
Granted in a way I couldn't imagine.
A mere temporary cure.
Why is it that so?
Do you smite them so much?
I cannot do anything, I admitted that.
My words are no longer enough.
My words were never good enough.
But this temporary relief,
May be much more painful later on.
Like taking painkillers.
It erases the pain momentarily,
And when it comes back,
It is devastating.
I am sad.
Yet I am thankful.
Yet still sorrow envelopes me.
The truth still evades me.
For I am not that which is all knowing.
I am not that which is almighty.
I know only what was taught to me.
I am sad. For what I know is not enough.
Truly though, I am grateful.
But this bitterness isn't going to disappear...

40 All in One

Where there will be pain,
Where it always rains.
Where there is no warmth,
Where it sings sad songs.

A sorrowful melody,
A slow lullaby.
The search for a remedy,
That one cannot find.

Can which that is not an illness,
be cured with medicine?
Can which that is not suffering,
be saved through happiness?

A heart,
A dream,
Can the same cure be used,
On every illness?

39 Meaning

When the clock strikes,
It marks time.
How many nights,
Have I heard its chime?

That sorrowful bell,
The slight swell,
A dampened ring,
A single note to sing.

Its hypnotic tune,
A longing croon.
Its cry of lament,
The moans of repent.

Every hour of the night,
Every hour of the day.
Without hesitation,
Without dedication.

It's life marked by itself.
Every ring is a tale it sings.
And it sings till its end.
Yet, who knows whether its silence is eternal or momentary other than itself?

The meaning of itself is decided by itself.
Perhaps that would be true for people as well.

Yet

What is this thing that we pursue?
What is it that I pursue?
Is it happiness?
Is it money?
Power?
Fame?

I think not. Happiness can be attained even when having nothing. It is when we have something that we cannot fully gain the meaning of happiness because then we want more. Definitely we want more. Maybe tomorrow or next week? Maybe even next month or next year? Or are you craving for something already?

I am seeking for which that cannot be found. Bits and pieces reveal themselves to me and yet are out of reach. Yet there are still more out there which is still hidden. Yet I cannot do anything. Yet again,again yet. Yet.

Yet there are still no answers. Yet.

Prelude

Waiting for a person to appear,
Just waiting, waiting forever.

And when the person finally appears,
A hand is extended in greeting.
Despite all of my fears,
Nothing happened in our meeting.

Yet I feel sad,
For I didn't expect it to be that bad.
Not a smile not a thing.
It was as if I wasn't living.

That added to what I already had,
is a life of misery and pain.

I've never expected much,
but I didn't expect to get nothing.
Even if my entire life was a sin.

38 Meaningless Meaning

Walking down a deserted street with no turns left nor right
Looking up into a sky which was neither dark nor bright
I walk through an arch, an open door
In an empty space, an empty floor

Leading to no other rooms
The white walls were bare
The ceiling not even there

I used to wonder
And then I'd ponder
Where was I?
What was I?

The answers were simple yet not quite so.
This post is truly a great example.

Start with a song,
Then a haiku.
Then a rhyming riddle
With equal syllables

At first you don't see it,
When mentioned you count it.
I rhyme every phrase,
Counting each syllable.

The end result is a wonderful poem,
But its meaning still hidden from your sight.

There are no meaningless struggles,
Not a single word put to waste.
The question is the purpose,
The answer is the method.
The reason is the truth,
The excuse is the front.

Find it to know it.
Know it to find it.
If you would care,
It would be there.

37 Choice

A butterfly flying free,
A bee working earnestly.
Both share the same sky,
Yet for different reasons they fly.

One flies for itself,
Another for another.

As these two wander,
In my mind I ponder.
Who would I want to be?
Do I want to work or be flying free?

As I trace back to the roots,
I found the answer to this.
The problem is simple.
Yet the reasons are even more so.

To be with another person,
Is quite a heavy burden.
But flying alone,
Is quite a sorrow.

Then I ponder,
and continued to wonder,
Which of the two feels more joy?
Which of the two is more pitiful?

The prospect of flying free is appealing.
So is the thought of having another.
Yet I can't really decide.
My heart swaying to either side.